Sleep Training Methods that work

The biggest challenge for me as a first-time parent was sleep loss due to my kids.  You will learn sleep training methods that work. I will also share my personal lesson learned in hopes you will have a less bumpy ride.

As part of the Future Dad Advice article, I share insights to prevent you from being totally shell-shocked as a first-time parent.  For example, kids being expensive, your life style changing and your health & beauty rest taking a hit.

Truly, the loss of sleep easily tops the list due to the mental and physical toll as well as the longevity.  

According to WebMd, sleep loss could plague the Mom and Dad for up to 6 years.  This accurately reflects my case (sadly) due to the back to back time it took us to sleep train both kids.

Due to our challenges, I have definitely researched a lot into the topic and asked other parents for advice.  I have found that almost all have the universal sleep loss issues we experienced.

Mental and Physical Toll

According to Healthline, adults need 7-9 hours of sleep a night.  In order to get quality sleep, your body goes through multiple stages such as the REM cycle where you are most likely to dream.

During the sleep loss phase for me, a good night was when my kids would wake up only 2-3 times a night.  A bad night entailed getting up 5-6 times to put them back to sleep.  

In either case, this was definitely disrupting my beauty sleep.  The only workaround was maxing out on caffeine to make it through the day.

I do love good customer service such as being greeted by my first name as I enter a store.  But this becomes a bit embarrassing when this happens not only at my go-to Starbucks but multiple other coffee places due to my frequent visits and being a ‘regular’.

Sleep Training Methods

Now onto the sleep training methods. I break these into 2 stages into 3 months to 1 year and 1 year+.

Stage 1: 3 months to 1 year

Speaking from experience, start as early as possible!  There is much less involved with this stage and you will possibly avoid many months or even years of sleep loss.

Up to 3 months, your baby will need multiple feedings both during night and day.  Thus, it is not good to start sleep training until after 3 months.

The 2 sleep training methods to utilize are called Ferber and Cry it Out.

Ferber Method

The general principle of the Ferber Method is comforting the baby when they wake up and then leave the room.  When the baby wakes again, you wait for a set period of time before returning and comforting them again.  

As the sleep training progresses, you gradually lengthen the wait period.  Thus, your baby will learn to fall asleep by themselves.

Cry it Out Method

This method is straightforward.  When the baby wakes up, you let them cry it out.  After learning that crying does not equate to a parent coming into their room, your baby learns to fall asleep.  

This is definitely the harsher method, but the training period is much faster.  

Keys to Success

With both methods, the critical part is sticking to the plan.  If you don’t wait the designated period for the Ferber Method or rescue them during Cry it Out method, the baby will learn to just keep crying and someone will eventually come.  

Prepare yourself mentally as it is extremely hard to hear your baby cry.  You will want to bust down the door and comfort them especially if it’s a long crying period.   

As a tip, start on a weekend.  This will be a multi-day event (at least 2-3 days) and the last thing you will want to do is endure a mentally grueling night before a big day of work.

Stage 2: Age 1 year+

Due to multiple reasons which I will detail later, both our kids required stage 2 sleep training.  We found that this stage was much harder. In addition, the Ferber and Cry it out Method are not effective at this age (we did try!).

For stage 2, I found that the key training principles are: Getting them to stay in own bed, falling asleep by themselves and knowing when to get up.  

This stage is a lot more art than science. You may have to tailor your own plan based upon your own kid’s experience.

Getting them to stay in own bed 

As part of normal development between age 1-2, they become mobile.  Thus, they can simply walk to your room anytime during the night.

We instructed our kids to call out our name instead of them getting out of bed. Although this put the responsibility 100% on us to respond to their calling, we felt this was better than the kids wandering around at night.  

The hard part of this step is when your kid calls you multiple times per night. They may have legitimate excuses like needing to use the bathroom. For non-important calls, you may have to be stern telling them to just go back to sleep and then quickly exiting the room.

Here is where your kid’s favorite blankie or stuffed animals help. When exiting the room, make sure the kids have their favorites close by to help them fall asleep.

Falling asleep by themselves

My two kids became master negotiators as soon as they could communicate.  As an example, they negotiate on a wide range of things like the need to read multiple books or sleep in our room to fall asleep.

To combat this, stick to a consistent routine like a bed time ritual.  For us, it is bath time, brushing their teeth, 1 book, prayer and then off to sleep.

This also means keeping a regular sleep schedule including naps during the day.  Counterintuitive to what you would think – it is not good to have them skip their daytime nap or go past their normal bedtime.

Knowing when to wake up

The last part of stage 2 is having your kid sleep all the way through the night.  Since they do not know how to read a clock, sometimes they may wake up ready to go at 4am or 5am not realizing what time it is.

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Thanks to one of my coworkers, she recommended a kid-friendly alarm clock which uses the red – green light indicator.  This has worked well as kids understand this concept.  

Using Positive Reinforcement Method

When you start to have success as your kid begins to stay asleep throughout the night, think about rewarding them the next morning.

In this Positive Reinforcement Method article, I have detailed a method to train your kids in a fun and rewarding way.

During stage 2 sleep training, you will have both good and bad nights. For good nights where your kid stays asleep, give them a sticker. After 5 stickers, they get a small prize. This will help accelerate the training and make it fun for the kids.

To set expectations, Stage 2 sleep training is not easy.  From my experience, it takes patience lasting multiple weeks or months to do especially if you have to unwind bad habits like letting them sleep in your bed.

Sleep Training Challenges

I am sharing my story with you to hopefully avoid some of the pitfalls we encountered.

The First Kid

We definitely made many rookie mistakes as first time parents.  As silly as it sounds, we didn’t even recognize our sleep loss was a problem until our kid’s doctor brought this up at his 1-year checkup.  

One highlight (or low light) was around age 2.  My mother-in-law volunteered to help sleep train our firstborn.  

She used an extreme form of Cry it out method standing over our kid for about 1 hr “shushing” him to sleep.  Needless to say, this did not work, however I do admire her willpower dealing with a kid screaming at the top of his lungs.

Finally, at about age 3, we were able to sleep train our kid using stage 2 method.  It did take us many starts and stops over a few month period.  

The keys were staying committed for both parents.  This meant formulating a bed time ritual, being firm during the night and not allowing us to slip back in the old ways (bringing him to our bed).  We had about 1 glorious month of sleep before the arrival of our 2^nd kid.

The Second Kid

For the 2^nd kid, both my wife and I agreed we would not repeat the same mistakes as the firstborn.  Thus, at month 4-5, we started sleep training our 2^nd kid.  

We used the Cry it Out Method with me watching the progress over a baby monitor while giving my wife a sleep vacation.  That meant having her sleep peacefully in the basement for the Cry it Out days.

The process was fairly quick (lasting 2 days with minimal crying).  We were happy for a couple of months until other factors creeped in breaking our blissful sleep.

Daycare Sickness

Like all daycare babies, our kid entered a long period of being constantly sick.  The worst were the chronic ear infections causing our kid to not sleep throughout the night.  

As a parent, you will do whatever it takes to comfort your kid when sick. This meant breaking our principle sleep rules like letting him sleep with us.

Fear of Night

Our kid became fearful of a fox jumping around his room at night.  At first, we told him that this was not possible as a fox can’t get in our house.  This did not help quell his imagination.  

My wife’s colleague suggested a different strategy.  We told our kid we caught the fox and brought him to the zoo which he accepted.

Night Terrors

Another big hurdle were night terrors.  At this point we were back into stage 2 training.

We noticed that our kid would wake up at the same time each night having vivid dreams.  If I were to describe it, he was like a ninja fighting a whole bunch of people at once.  

Fortunately for us, we have a doctor in the family. He sent us articles on how to deal with night terrors.  

The fix was straightforward. This involved disrupting our kid’s sleep cycle before the night terrors would begin.  This did take about a month before the night terrors subsided, but was effective.

The light at the end of tunnel

Due to these issues and a myriad of others, sleep training only resumed recently (age 3.5 for our 2nd kid).

As I write this article, we are at the end of a month of sleep training.  The last 2 weeks he has made tremendous progress sleeping through the night. The final step left is using the green light / red light alarm clock to help him from getting up early.

After this long 6+ years of sleep loss, I finally see the light at the end of tunnel.  People told me that once your sleeping becomes normal, your mind helps you erase the mental and physical tolls of the past.  I hope this is true!

What other options do you have?

Sleep training may not be for everyone. This is especially true if you have to deal with multiple kids, work, sickness and others.  

So, what other possible options do you have?

Co-Sleeping

As part of NaturalChild.org, some cultures believe that co-sleeping benefits both the kids and parents.

For me, definitely no.  Even with a king-sized bed, my kids end up in awkward formations such as poking their feet into my back or sharing my pillow.

Professional Help

One of my coworkers hired a professional sleep doctor.  He mentioned that the Doctor looks at both the parents and kid’s behaviors and creates a tailored sleep training plan.  

The doctor checks in after a few days and makes adjustments to the plan based upon how the sleep training is going.

After many months or years of sleep loss, a sleep doctor could be the best investment you make no matter what they charge.

Summary

You have learned about sleep training methods that work as well as being aware of the challenges I experienced.

The key highlights:

• Start Early!  Stage 1 sleep training is straightforward and relatively quick with the Ferber or Cry it out method.
• Stage 2 takes time and patience.  You may deal with other factors like sickness and nightmares that set you back.
• For either stage, you need to be committed and dedicated to the process.  Both you and your spouse need to have a united front.
• Sleep training is not easy. If needed, get professional help to save you the many months or years of mental and physical toll

Good luck! I hope these sleep training methods work for you. Please feel free to share any interesting insights or tips for sleep training.

About DadMBA: Through his schooling (he does have a MBA) & more importantly being a Dad, he has provided practical advice to family & friends on finances & other life topics.  He loves helping others thus the creation of DadMBA.