Growth Mindset: Why this is important for your Kids
This article describes the Growth Mindset and Why this is important for your Kids.
Did you know that praise can actually be bad for your kids over the long-run? Praising the wrong attributes can lead to a Fixed Mindset. As a negative repercussion, a Fixed Mindset will hinder how your kids deal with failure in the future.
We all have role models. Personally, I admire most their perseverance, grit and approach to life. As I have learned, many if not all of my role models possess a Growth Mindset.
The Growth Mindset is an incredibly important concept which I will educate you on throughout this article.
Introduction to Growth Mindset
A few years back, one of my friends sent me an article about how praising the wrong way can be detrimental to your kids. I can not find the actual article however these 2 articles closely resemble the key themes (Teach your kids to fail and Why you shouldn’t tell your kid they’re smart).
By telling your kids they are ‘smart’, it reinforces the Fixed Mindset. Your kids believe they are born with these traits and are naturally-talented. As a result, they shy away from activities that they are not good at first and do not like to try new things.
To encourage the Growth Mindset, you should praise your kids for their effort and hard work.
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Recently I read Carol Dweck’s Mindset book which I found fascinating. She dives into many examples focused around parenting, sports, work and school that contrast the Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset. This is a must-read for all parents!
My Growth Mindset Goals
Personally, I want my kids to have the Growth Mindset in the future to help them in the following areas:
1. Overcome Failure and Setbacks
We all have encountered failures throughout life whether this was bombing a test, not getting into your top choice for college or getting rejected for your dream job.
For those that have a Growth Mindset, they are able to learn from these experiences and treat these setbacks as temporary.
2. Instill Work Hard Mentality
My parents drilled into me to work hard and good things will follow. This mentality is something I am working hard (pun intended!) to pass down onto my kids.
Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset Definition
So … what exactly is the Growth Mindset?
It is the ability to develop, seek challenges and continually look for opportunities to grow upon. When you encounter failure, it involves analyzing the mistakes or lessons learned, and then using a different approach in the future.
Growth Mindset: Seeking the opportunity to continually improve
I was fortunate to see Michael Phelps speak at one of my company events. Phelps is the most decorated Olympian of all time (28 medals). He was a competitive swimmer that competed in over 4 different Olympics.
The main point that stuck with me is that he continually pushed himself to improve to stay on top. This is because swimming events are won by as little as one tenth of a second. Thus, no room for mistakes and you must swim your best to win.
As one of his examples to stay on top, he mentioned that normal training regimens are 6 days on and having 1 rest day for the body to recovery. For his final Olympics, he trained 7 days a week, so there was no backtracking or lost time due to the rest day.
The results for his final Olympics were spectacular as he won 5 golds and 1 silver.
Fixed Mindset: Not learning from failure
One example of the Fixed Mindset from the mindset book was focused on a famous tennis player. Whenever he lost a big match, he would rattle off excuses rather than look within at why he had lost.
His excuses were somewhat petty such as blaming that the court was not in good shape, weather was bad and his previous meals impacting his performance.
Thus by using excuses, his mindset was that he did not have to fix anything or improve as it was outside his control.
Personal Story: Shifting from Fixed Mindset to Growth Mindset
As I reflect upon my own experiences, there was a critical point in college where I had hit bottom academically.
Due to a Fixed Mindset, I would only study for a few hours each night. This resulted in not understanding the topics to the best of my ability and ending up with poor grades.
The reasoning to cap my study time was that I had success in high school doing it this way and thought I could continue this through college.
The pivotal point was shifting into a Growth Mindset to seek ways to improve. Fortunately, I had a mentor who helped assess my situation. He suggested that I join study groups, leverage resources like Teaching Assistants and work in a place with fewer distractions (computer lab and library).
I also realized the few hours worth of study time were not good compared to others. While I was wrapping up my night, a few of my friends were just settling in and putting in an additional 3-4 hours above and beyond what I was doing. Thus, I kicked into high gear of studying harder and doing things differently.
Fortunately all of these changes culminated in good results for the rest of college. In addition, this created a solid work ethic to pursue subsequent degrees in an Engineering Master Degree and MBA.
Strategies to Teach the Growth Mindset
I recommend the Mindset book to teach you strategies on the Growth Mindset. In addition, there are many good articles out there such as 15 ways to build a Growth Mindset.
The 5 principles I am focusing with my kids are:
1. Reinforce Hard Work and Effort
My youngest son loves legos. In the past while he watched TV, I would just build the lego sets for him while he observed.
The switch I made was turning off the TV, and spending many hours having him build the lego set going step-by-step and doing this activity together.
Although painfully slow and tedious, the concept he has learned is that you need to put in the time and effort to accomplish a project.
2. Provide Constructive feedback
As a parent, this is very hard as you always want to see your kids succeed and shield them from getting hurt.
My oldest kid has been ice skating for the last 3 years. At the end of each year, he must pass a test to move onto the next level. This last year he did not pass as it required advanced skills like skating backwards proficiently.
The key points were reassuring him that not passing was ok and to work on the exercises that the teacher said he needed to improve.
In the past, I would have likely “sugarcoated” this such as saying that many other kids did not pass and that the teacher was a hard grader. Sugarcoating is not good as its just another way of providing excuses why they did not pass.
3. Praise on the process and not on winning
For my kids, ‘Try your Best’ has been a foundational pillar for us. We have been developing this attribute using a positive reinforcement method.
I am a firm believer that when you put in the effort, good things will follow. I have not really focused on the ‘winning’ aspect. Instead, we have praised our kids for their hard work and good attitude.
4. No excuses or blaming others
This has been something I have concentrated on after reading the mindset book.
Instead of letting my oldest make up excuses when things do not go his way, I now correct him on the spot. I take the moment to explain how he could improve and do not let him place blame on others.
5. Take on hard challenges
Rather than letting my kids shy away from something that is hard or time-consuming, I encourage them to take on new challenges.
The principle I have been teaching them is that in order for their brains to grow, they need to be challenged.
This concept does take time and is currently a work in progress. Right now, my kids do tend to get frustrated and stop the activity. In the future, I am hoping they embrace and take on the challenge head on.
Summary
You have learned about the Growth Mindset and Why this is important for your Kids.
My primary goals for my kids are to help them overcome setbacks and instill a work hard mentality for the future.
Changing to a Growth Mindset is not an easy flip of switch as it involves correcting behavior not only for your kids but also for yourself. Be patient as it does take time to learn and to apply in your daily life.
Call to Action
I have provided strategies to develop the Growth Mindset. To further deepen your knowledge on this, I recommend reading the mindset book.
Lastly, I encourage you to start instilling the Growth Mindset for your kids now as it will benefit them for the long-term.
About DadMBA: Through his schooling (he does have a MBA) & more importantly being a Dad, he has provided practical advice to family & friends on finances & other life topics. He loves helping others thus the creation of DadMBA.
