Positive Reinforcement Method that works for Young Kids

Kids Fighting.  Misbehaving.  Whining.  Giving up too easily.  

These are things that make me want to pull my hair out as a Dad.  If this sounds familiar to you, I have a positive reinforcement method that works for young kids.  This method may help you turn your Monsters into Angels over time.

Positive Reinforcement Method 

Origin

I want to give proper credit to my son’s school where this method originated.  They promote the “Cardinal Code” which comprises of 4 values: Being Respectful, Compassionate, Mindful and Responsible. 

The general idea is when a teacher sees a student exhibiting one of these values, the student is given a Cardinal Code Sticker which they proudly wear for the day.  

My son received a few of these stickers over the first couple of months of school.  As an example of one of his good deeds, he helped comfort another student on the playground who hurt himself.

Positive Reinforcement Impact

The impact of the Cardinal Code is super positive.  Each time he earns a Cardinal Code sticker, my son comes home happy and beaming with pride.  As parents, we are very excited to hear about what he did to achieve the sticker. 

Due to the positive impact of the Cardinal Code, we brainstormed how we could apply a system like this at home.  Thus, we came up with the creation of our own code which I will refer to as the “DadMBA Code” throughout this article.  

As you create your own code, personalize it.  My suggestion is to call your own method the “[Your Lastname] Code”.

The DadMBA Code

Similar to the Cardinal Code, the DadMBA Code has core values we would like our kids to develop and exemplify.  

Our 4 principle values are Good Leader, Try your Best, Good Attitude and Help Everyone.  All of these values have special meaning to our family which we detail below.

Good Leader

Every kid misbehaves from time to time.  This is just one of the basic truths in life and it always seems to happen at the worst time and place.  

As a Dad, my goal is to minimize bad behavior.  In addition, not have my kids knowingly follow and copy bad behavior from others.  

The good news is that kids know what is right from wrong at an early age.  From the Association for Psychological Science, their research shows toddlers know this concept before the age of 2.  

For the DadMBA Code, we award the Good Leader value primarily for 2 behaviors.  The first is when one sibling teaches the other something worthy.  The second is having our kids set up good examples for others to follow such as behaving well (sit, eat, don’t move) at a restaurant.

Try your Best

This is a core value engrained into me by my parents.  My siblings and I were taught passion and hard work are the keys to success, not just solely relying on talent.  

Similar to this point, the New York Post conducted a study on 11,000 West Point Cadet graduates, and identified that grit was the most important quality to their success.  Grit is defined as “passion and perseverance” in this study.

Many times, my kids give up too easy or not even try by saying “I can’t” or “it’s too hard”.  As a response, we bring up the DadMBA Code saying “Try your best!”.  We are not concerned whether the result ends up positive or negative, but encourage them to Try their Best.  

We feel this trait will prepare them to persevere when they encounter hardship and to overcome failure in the future.

Good Attitude

Are you a Glass half-full (optimist) or Glass half-empty (pessimist) person?  For us, we choose to look at life from a positive perspective.  

According to a Stanford study, it was found that positivity makes kids more successful.  In this study, they discovered the brain pathway that directly links a positive attitude with achievement. 

In addition to tying positive attitude to success, this has really helped us minimize pouting and whiny behavior.  As a result, we hope our kids become more like-able to all.  This is definitely a value we want them to exhibit.

Help Everyone

This is the most self-explanatory value for us.  Quite simply, we want our kids to help everyone.  

We look first for awarding behavior when they help each other and play nicely as siblings.  We are also using this value as a basis for preparing them to do chores in the future.  

At this stage, they are helping us with simple things like cleaning up the house. We know this will evolve to more extensive activities in the future.

Tips to implement your Code 

The following section provides recommendations on how to implement your positive reinforcement method. These tips were refined over time and personalized to our kids.

Thus, you can use this as a starting point and modify to what works best for your family.

Tracking Chart

The first step is to create a tracking chart that your kids can easily follow.  Each sticker awarded is placed over a smiley face.  After 5 stickers, our kid receives a small reward for their effort.

Using Both Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic Motivation

It is extremely important to build your kid’s intrinsic motivation for these core values.  This means that your kid should be driven internally to do these activities because it is satisfying and enjoyable for them.  

As a parent, you can praise and hug them after each sticker. Your kids will associate their actions as positive behavior they want to continue. This also shows them that you care and value their effort.

Extrinsic Motivation 

Extrinsic motivation is something external like a prize that motivates the kids to do this.  For our code, we give them a small prize after 5 stickers. 

 Make the prize desirable with something your kids want.  We are currently giving 1 pack of pokemon cards or 1 lego figurine to our kids.  Keep the prizes small (inexpensive) to not break the bank.

Importance of using both motivation types

Although my kids love the small prizes, we focus equally on the intrinsic motivation praising them and making them feel good about their achievements.  

As part of a Fast Company article, intrinsic motivation ie “deep internal motivation”  is better for long-term success vs external incentives like raises.

Frequency

We give out stickers on a fairly frequent basis especially in the beginning to get the system going.  There are days when the kids can achieve 3 or 4 stickers each if they really exemplify the DadMBA Code.  On bad days, no stickers at all.

Timeliness

Be timely awarding the stickers. If you see the good behavior, award the sticker immediately.  

This is much more impactful than waiting or giving out multiple stickers at once.  Your kid will also better understand what core value they exhibited when done immediately.

Call-out Future Sticker Opportunities

Tell your kids in advance when they have opportunities to earn stickers.  For example, before heading out to a restaurant, we tell them we would like to see them follow the DadMBA Code.

This is helpful to set their mindset in advance. If they start to behave badly, all we do is remind them about having a “Good Attitude” or being a “Good Leader” to get them back on track.

Our Goals for the Positive Reinforcement Method

Ultimately, we believe the DadMBA Code will help develop our family’s core values in our kids for the long-term.  So far, it is working.  After only a few days, both kids were able to recite the 4 core values by memory.  They also remind each other about these values if they catch the other misbehaving.

A positive effect of the DadMBA Code is less scolding at our kids.  I can guarantee that no one feels good yelling at their kids especially day-in day-out.  

Another exciting development we had was one of our kids wanting to create his own personal code for how to behave at restaurants.  What a proud Dad moment!

The latest adaptation of this method for us involved encouraging our youngest son to sleep throughout the night. For more details, please see article Sleep Training Methods that work.

Call to Action 

Create your own family code.  Spend time and think of the core values that you want your kids to develop for the long-term.  

The DadMBA Code was a positive reinforcement method that works for young kids.  Please share how this is working for you and what Code you developed.

About DadMBA: Through his schooling (he does have a MBA) & more importantly being a Dad, he has provided practical advice to family & friends on finances & other life topics.  He loves helping others thus the creation of DadMBA.